Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Making Conversation in Public Restrooms

I really have come to no logical explanation of why this happens to me, but for awhile now I've noticed that women find it acceptable to talk to me while I am peeing. The more I think about this, the more it confuses me. I am not a very "friendly" person. That will probably be taken the wrong way. I mean that I do not go out of my way to make eye contact with people, smile at people, or talk to anyone unless I absolutely have to. When I happen to make eye contact with people, I feel like I have to give that weird ass half smile that seems to say, "this is absolutely painful to do because I have no idea who the fuck you are." (this smile never shows teeth... you KNOW what I'm talking about) Sometimes, this leads to a conversation of "How are you, today?". This could go one of two ways.

First Example: You are having a fantastic day and say oh I'm doing really well, how are you? End conversation, you both move on your merry way and forget all about each other.

Second Example: You are having a horrible, no good, very bad day and you want to rip your eyes out because you can't believe that every little thing has gone wrong. In this case, you are torn between saying "Oh, I'm good" which is not only grammatically incorrect, but also better than saying "I'm well," when you are not. Or, you can say absolutely terrible, it is just one horrible, no good, very bad day.

Then the stranger in question looks at you like you're some crazy phsycho. I can hear it now,

"Right, I was really just being polite... Thanks for sharing though, crazy lady."

To put it lightly, I don't deal with strangers well. It's just a thing I have. I think this has something to do with the "don't talk to strangers or you will DIE" concept that I was brought up with by every teacher up until about eighth grade. So anyways, the point is that since I don't make eye contact, talk to, or smile at strangers, especially before peeing, makes it hard for me to understand why they think I am OK with hearing their stories while trying to relieve my bladder.

Anyways, so woman talk to me while I'm peeing in restrooms all the time. It's always about super inappropriate, mind-boggling, or insane things that I really don't want to know about. It is ALWAYS over-share time when people decide to talk to me in public restrooms.

So alas, this brings me to the first story I remember when this happened.

Age: 7-8 years
Scene: St. Francis Xavier Grade School, Girl's restroom with yellow stalls, first floor.

First potty break of the day.

We had lines back then for the bathroom. This happened to be one of those days when I was one of the first in line. Usually, I was last in line due to my being the smallest girl there. Little girls are MEAN when it comes to lining up for bathroom break, that's all I'm saying. I happened to really have to pee this time, too. So being in the front of the line made my 2nd grade day SO much better.

So I'm probably doing something really weird while waiting in the bathroom line. I was a fairly weird child. I passed my time when waiting by doing things such as:

1) swinging my arms back and forth in a super wide, sweeping motion so that no one could stand within my little 3' arm span. (I didn't like people then, either).
2) Pretend to kick the floor really hard. This was a way to get someones attention. I did this until one time when I actually kicked the floor, stubbed my toe, and broke it.
3) Twirl in circles.

So anyways, I could have been doing any of these things to pass the time. Finally, my turn came and I went into the gross, pukey, yellow stalls and sat down and started going. Then this girl, who I'm fairly certain was Rachel (though I'm not positive as I never saw her), goes

"I just peed so long that it was probably more than one of my horses pees..."

Thanks for sharing...

I have many others about this particular subject. It really bugs me that people do this... it only felt right to start with the earliest one I can remember.

No comments:

Post a Comment