Sassafrass: Variations of Marian...

... I am called on a regular basis due to inattention.

This is most common. I am literally called Mary Ann at least 20 times a day. This is no joke. When I ask my respective bosses if I sound like I'm saying Mary Ann on the phone, both say no, no you do not. Meaning, people seriously just don't listen properly. I can't tell you how much this annoys me. If anyone is reading this named Mary Ann, I do not mean any disrespect towards the name, it's a nice name. It's just not mine.

Mariam, though not as common as Mary Ann, would probably be next on my list. This one does not annoy me as much. Mostly because I know that I have a small speech impediment that makes me stumble over n's and m's, making it especially hard to hear over a phone line. This is understandable, I accept.

This one, is just ridiculous. Another example of how people don't listen properly. If you're going to call me to order some Jack Posts, or to get some information on how to obtain a credit, then listen for God's sake. (and if not for God's, at least for Marian's). Every time someone calls me this I seriously cringe. If you're going to call me for information, don't go blabbing to one of your coworkers about who you had sex with last night (yes, this happened), don't go talking about the NBA because really it's just going to depress me (note: I live in Cleveland), and don't yell to a coworker halfway across the store about ordering some piping when I DO NOT SELL PIPING if you want some information!! (I digress.....) I'm just saying, don't hold other conversations when you're calling a vendor, it's just rude.

On the off-chance that someone actually pronounces my name correctly (which seriously, I just don't get. Marian isn't hard to pronounce, it's not even hard to say. You have no excuse.), they will miss-spell it almost every time. I can't tell you how many faxes I get that have ATTN: MARION on them. This, is the masculine form of Marian. I am not a man.

This, is not a joke. One time, a Home Depot customer called me wanting to know how to order our Jack Posts, how to use them, how to install them, and how to do pretty much ANYTHING with them. We talked for 14 minutes. 15 minutes after getting off the phone, we got a fax from store #1265, to the attention of Dolores. Now, I know what you're thinking, maybe there's a Dolores who used to work here in customer service. Maybe it's an honest mistake. Maybe, just maybe, there was a past Dolores who worked for my company, who put her name in Home Depot's system and that's why I received this fax. ZERO Dolores' have worked here. Oh, and did I mention that I frequently do business with store 1265? This means, since that lovely one time interaction between Mike at the Pro Desk and I over a year ago, that everyone there now calls me Dolores. I haven't corrected them, I haven't the heart. They seem to like Dolores. I don't blame them, she's one fucking awesome woman.

I have my actual name in here simply because a man actually got it right yesterday. The first time in the two years I've worked here. He called me Marian the first time I said my name, spelled it right on his purchase order, went on to tell me that his beautiful wife of 40 years is also named Marian, and then proceeded to tell me I sounded too young to have such an old fashioned name, but that I sounded like a beautiful girl so it fits me, just like it did his wife. Then he pretty much told me his entire life story about where they met, his experience with keeping in touch with her during Vietnam, when he finally got to walk her down the aisle, their four children (two girls, two boys), and his grandchildren.
This, was the sweetest thing I've ever heard an old man say. I wish I could travel down to Kentucky to see him. One day, I will find a man who will love me even after 40 years of marriage, and still talk about me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.

His story, MADE MY DAY. So here's to you, Rich of Kentucky TT, may your life be filled with more and more happiness.

Sassafrass